What’s Going On? What’s New?

A lot is changing, but I’m still doing my own thing ❤

I’m about 10 days until the end of Ramadan, and I think this has been one of the most enriching spiritual experiences I’ve had in a very long time. I’ll definitely write about it soon!

Apart from that, there are a couple of other things that are in the works:

  1. Collaboration with other magical practitioners. Within the upcoming month or so, I will be collaborating with one or two other magicians from around the United States in offering magical services. With that, you can expect a number of other magical products and services to pop up under my menu. Also check out my Facebook page for testimonials on other magical operations and readings I’ve done in the past.
  2. Freebies and the release of Haniel materials! I’ve talked about it for the past couple of months, but I now have enough materials to actually share with you. These will be free for your use. 🙂
  3. Resuming cartomancy lessons HERE. Within the next few weeks I intend to complete my dictionary for reading playing cards, and I will also have classes and mentoring opportunities available to those who want to learn to read playing cards.

Is there something in particular that you would like to see explored further on my blog? Let me know in the comments! Until then, be at peace!

My Magickal Hiatus May 6th – May 26

Okay so, maybe I won’t be having much of a vacation this summer, but I do plan on turning my frustrations into love. ❤

So, as of around May 6th I stopped doing magick.

Well, to be specific,  I decided that I would avoid doing magick for matters that involved my own personal materialistic gain. Instead, I am focusing my attention on getting as close to the divine unity as I possibly can. Here’s the conversation that I have had with non-magickal practioners (of any religious denomination) about the matter:

“Good job! Way to give your life over to the Lord.”

…and from other magickal practioners of any magickal paradigm:

“You *really* sold out to [insert assumption of religious identity usually associated with Judaism, Christianity or Islam here]?” {judgmental glare}

Well here’s a lovely curve ball for both extremes. I learned 5 lessons off the bat from NOT practicing magic as I normally do.

  1. EVERYTHING is magic. If you can concentrate while building something for someone and give it to them, that is magic. I just so happen to have creative inclinations, so practically everything has a charge. I genuinely can’t help it.
  2. My needs are met regardless. There are a number of ignorant mundane zealots who view any magical gesture geared towards a certain goal as being “unfair,” as if hard work isn’t involved. I’ll ignore the latter half of their argument that one can do magic without lifting a finger in the real world, and I want to address the fairness aspect. First of all, I don’t judge you for being able to make your own–anything–by McGuyvering the laws of physics in ways that I cannot to repair your car, headphones, or whatever so you don’t have to pay extra cash. Being a magical practioner with occult knowledge is very similar: I studied hard, and I know how to appeal to the unseen powers that be to get things done in certain ways. Secondly, even in forgoing doing magic for my own sake, by relying on the divine source, everything is accounted for: housing, shelter, food, everything. Even self esteem and psychological matters are accounted for. Everything is addressed and in perfect balance, I can literally rest easy primarily because I have always had a connection with the divine. My goal now is just to learn how to trust.
  3. I am understanding and building my relationship by using what “blasphemous and ungodly” techniques I already know. I can figure out where I need to go, obtain any message that I need to obtain, with simple divinatory know how, meditation, and an open heart. Bibliomancy has been my close friend, and bouncing between the Bible and the Quran has been very interesting given the different voices the voice of the Divine assumes between the two texts. I can meditate and get a gist of why certain things are happening. I can pray and concerns are answered because I learned so many avenues to listening. I know insecurity is part of the ride, but I place my trust in the one I am reaching, and I have only received signs that I am accepted by the divine. Granted, that still doesn’t stop the haters.
  4. Both the mage and the religious conservative can be self important, stuck up, and controlling d***s. I’m completely surprised, honestly. On both sides of the fence I have had my identity questioned. I’ve straight up had to do some toe to toe spiritual battling with someone I thought was going to be a guide for me but instead tried to tell me I was supposed to be under his authority…more on that in a later post. I had to suffer duplicity in one magical group I was a part of (which I left of my own volition). Granted, both experiences were humbling in their own ways, but at the same time, I spent a lot of emotional energy that I probably won’t get back.
  5. My mind is a lot clearer. At first, I found myself feeling very anxious, and I had cast a spell to cheer myself up out of habit. Even restraining oneself from practicing magic is a form of fasting, a form of meditation. As time passed, I noticed tensions begin to fall off and my shoulders and heart become lighter. I don’t quite know how, but I think I had a lot of things on autopilot, and I didn’t even realize it. Now, I live in the present more than I did before.

I’ll probably be posting just a little more often than I normally do, but my message for you peeps doing something off beat: just do your thing. Earlier this year I already new that I was doomed to be hated because I had no singular artificial religious or spiritual identity. Magician is the only thing that I can be rationally called, but I’ve gotten heat from both sides, the occultists and the religious, but I’m where I am so I can fight for both when it’s needed. Go ahead and go against the grain, especially if you are certain its the right way to go. Be courageous and don’t let anyone phase you!

You’ve got this!

So, Someone Called Me…

So I’ve been wandering around prisons lately, investigating them, seeing how they work. Okay, so maybe they are not exactly prisons, but depending on your level of awareness, they can act as prisons. I’ve been exploring different religious systems: Islam and Christianity.

Here’s a fun fact about me that many of you may not know, and that may or may not be the case for many other magical practitioners: not only was I brought up Christian, but I also went to a college where I had to study portions of the Bible. Furthermore, back in high school, I did some preliminary studies in Buddhism, and I did some explorations in Taoism back in college. Generally speaking, I have always been exploring systems outside of the system. I have noticed that if one works within a system for long enough you will get a call for commitment. I call it a “call for commitment” but it is that moment when one is hailed and acknowledged, kind of like a friend request on Facebook but with a promise not to be hung out to dry during bad times and with access to certain benefits. You can usually detect a call by how the question lingers in the air, creating momentary crossroad of choice within your sphere.

The first call that I ever received was through my father and into Christianity when I was around 8 or 9 years old. The second call that I was able to detect was from a man I had a romantic interest in who was talking to me about Islam, but I couldn’t accept the terms he stated because of my previous commitment through my father; I’d have to renounce Christianity, which I am not, and probably will never really be, ready to do. Though I did not accept the call, I did obtain a copy of the Qu’ran and started reading it a la bibliomantic style, which is when I received the second call. The terms set this time was a lot less stringent, and I accepted them.

Most recently I started attending a church, which by the way is a GREAT idea for those who want to refine their own ritual practices. Anyways, received a call from that church denomination as well, and I am considering accepting, given that it is not in conflict with my other commitments.

I know that to many chaos magic practitioners, primarily those of the Discordian side of things, I am probably giving up a lot of agency and magical authority; tentative that they actually understand or even care about what I mean by agency or “magical authority.” However, I personally don’t have anything against any religious affiliation. Actually, I find devotion to be incredibly attractive, but only when tempered with intellect and an open-heart. I personally look forward to diving into as many belief systems as I can and bringing that into the mundane world to the end of resolving conflict. While I did use Lady Gaga’s Telephone as an illustration of what I’m talking about, I’m actually down for calls, so…call me! Maybe? 😉

Have you ever found yourself in a similar liminal state where you have the opportunity to join a spiritual community? Did you think about your previous bonds when you accepted or rejected the call? I’d love to hear about your experiences.

Bigawi: Don’t Throw the Baby Out with the Bath Water


For those who are stumbling upon this post with little to no context surrounding it’s creation, I advise you read Don’t Throw the Baby Out with the Bath Water and then come back.

Name: Bigawi

Statement of Intent: During processes of purging, the person obtains cognizance of and willfully nurtures divine potentials.

Mantra: Bikov durasp, flo gaven zewic.

General associations: The phrase “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.” Newly germinated seeds. Babies and youth. The 6 of disks. Motherhood. Warm, moist, and fertile soil. The act of carefully removing weeds from a garden so as not to kill saplings.

Tree Association: The Yew Tree.

Colors: Lavender Mist (#E6E6FA), bright green (the color of young saplings), golden yellow (the light which nurtures potential), and sky blue (moisture).

Planetary Associations: Sun (light), Moon (Psychic Awareness), Jupiter (noble service), to a lesser extent Venus (creation and production).

How to use:

I’m sure anyone could come up with just about any method to use this; but I have personally found that if I were to look at the larger sigil while contemplating something aggravating me, especially when I’m on the verge of making a drastic “cut,” some redeemable qualities in the object of contemplation will start to come to mind. Usually, these qualities have the potential to be advantageous or to my disadvantage; there is a crap shoot nature to the quality that can go either or way. There is an element of mystery.

If you don’t have the sigil on hand, use the mantra; it functions the same as the sigil and was created from the exact same statement of intent, but they are both one and the same entity. Recite the mantra until it becomes second nature, like breathing, in both your mind’s thoughts and lips. At this point you can either allow your mind to relax and take note of any situations which arise, or you can shift your attention secondarily to a specific situation. The name “Bigawi” is also the associated word of power.


If you don’t know how to meditate this is probably going to be a difficult servitor to use. It was not created to bitch slap answers in your face. (Though I guess it could, depending on the user’s style)

Let’s look at it this way: you need the similar awareness of your thought and communication patterns as would be needed to remove weeds from a garden while being aware of where you planted your original seeds (without having any markers). Otherwise, what will happen is that you may stumble upon the said quality or topic worthy of preserving but you won’t realize it. It will be like saying “I don’t know what to write about for this newspaper article about Christmas,” but then you go off telling me about how Aunt Agnis made the best plum pie for Christmas dinner…

Feel free to leave comments below or send me a PM about your experiences using Bigawi.

Some Considerations about the Statement of Intent

In understanding the statement of intent and the concepts used to create Bigawi, hopefully you can find creative ways to use her.  I created this servitor with some degree of etymological specificity. Generally speaking, words have a psychic “charge” to them and the use of certain words will have a certain type of psychological affect and stir certain subjective associations. A good example would be an effect of the use of the word “profound,” which has etymological associations with the deep sea and the metaphor of wisdom or intellect being as deep as the sea. So, it would not be uncommon to see someone take a very deep gulp of a drink if they tapped into the nature, the spirit, of that word. This concept has influenced the word choices for the following terms.

The use of the word “Purge”

The original statement included the words “purging, release, and refinement,” implying that this could be used only during periods of catharsis. My intention for the choice to use the word “purge” over catharsis, and instead of release and refinement, has more so to do with the scope of applicability. “Purge” feels much more dirty and raw, while “catharsis” feels ennobling and purposeful. However, they both practically mean the exact same thing.  Between the two, depending on the intention of the individual, I felt as though “Purge” added for flexibility for the user: from literally cleaning shit, to figuring out whether to get that awful haircut, to throwing away all of the sentimental items that your ex gave you, or seeking spiritual cleanliness. Purge has a MUCH broader connotation.

Use of the word “Cognizance”

The original statement variations used the words “recognized” and “discovered.” Recognized breaks down to literally mean “to know again.” Use of either of these words would have resulted in a couple of different problems: One may or may not have known at all, and that *thing* which is redeemable may not even be sensorily detectable at the moment. As for the word “discovered,” which means “to uncover” or to “reveal,” there is a much more aggressive and invading connotation. I can discover the gifts that my mother may have hidden in the closet, spoiling the surprise. I can discover that someone is lying to me; the problem is that discovery involves some sort of disturbance, which can hinder or harm the development of whatever is germinating.

So really, one just needs to know. The phrase “obtains cognizance” implies a lack of disturbance but gaining knowledge. It is awareness and attention without one necessarily intervening, which brings us to our next term.

Use of the word “Willfully”

I believe that everyone, to some extent is an artist. How good of an artist you are doesn’t necessarily reflect only in how well you wield your mediums towards a particular execution; it is also not only reflected in your ability to think and perceive things creatively. To be a good artist, I believe, one must think and perceive the world creatively, see ways in which the world may be challenged, and artfully act in a manner that makes your challenge apparently known and/or yields a specific result. Thus, at least in my perspective, all artists are magical practitioners to an extent. Perhaps not well versed in the occult arts, but at least able to make some thing or persons submit to one’s will. This servitor can be used by anyone.

When one wills anything, they also choose. This protects whatever is known from haphazard and accidental disturbance, and yet it gives power to whomever is doing the house cleaning to think about how to take appropriate action.

Note that “willfully” is an adverb and part of the adverbial phrase “willfully protects and nurtures.” You can choose to protect or nurture, but it is all up to you, your true will, and intention in the end. Once again, this puts the onus on the person, magically oriented or not, to choose how to handle the new information.

Use of the word “Divine”

I think this is probably the one term that would hang up a lot of people who claim to be LHP or RHP, but my reasoning behind the use of the term “divine,” at least to me, refers to the proper place of a thing that may be of what we consider of either “good” or “bad.” Most will assume that lizards are “bad” while I consider them “good” because I understand their place, despite what I may dislike about them out of fear. Thus, in that sense, in some case, even that which we consider “bad” is “good,” and that which we consider “blasphemous,” “disgusting,” or “undesirable” could be “divine” in nature. The etymology for the word “divine” according to etymonline is “of a god.” That god can be infernal, or heavenly, or somewhere in between.

To further my definition of “divine” I intended it to mean good in the sense that I stated above. It also includes that which warrants some element of appreciation and love, and it may include that which holds virtue, by which I mean authenticity.

I think the best recommendation I can give in understanding what I mean is to abandon all sense of division and polarity, and you’ll get a good gist of what I mean by “Divine.”


Don’t Throw the Baby out with the Bath Water…

You probably don’t see it, but things really will be okay. ❤

I think this has probably been the most enriching but most difficult month for me in my life thus far, and as a result I have been tempted just to throw everything (or almost everyone) away and start over from scratch. I’m not going to beat around the bush: this year completely sucked and I feel like nearly everyone new who has entered or reentered my life should probably be set on fire and then doused in my saltier-than-the-Red-Sea ocean of misery, annoyances, and justified complaints. The only ointment I have are my few closest friends and my family members…

What?! I’m human. Am I not allowed to vocalize my discontent? Who the hell are you to tell me how I can or cannot feel, or what I can or cannot say? I’m pretty sure you’ll feel this way–or have felt this way– at some point too. I’m just being forthcoming with you so you know where I’m coming from.

Like some fed up with this year, I began my usual magical purge: working with the Gemini Moon to eliminate some emotional sorrows and facilitate dialogue, hitting up Saturn on Saturnalia to turn hierarchies upside down in to hopes of loosening some societal pressures, following up on dream after dream. I had one in particular on the night of the Winter Solstice which was rather poignant.


I dreamed that there were bugs underneath my skin that looked a lot like praying mantises, but they were not. They looked gross, dark, and I knew that beneath the skin of my arm was not where they belong. Some had gotten insanely large, and I was able to reach unto my pores and pull them out. There were some who’s body parts, or insect parts or whatever, started to become dismembered as I pulled them out of my skin, so I had to actually dig in and take them out manually. At one point, I thought I had gotten them all out, but as I started touching and pressing against my skin, checking for bulges, I found smaller, younger insects. When I had finished, I felt light.

…But I missed something. At my wrist there was a small seed which began to germinate, and in my dedication to get rid of **everything** burrowed under my skin, I had pulled out the sapling, and all of its roots, and threw it away.  After contemplation of this dream in my waking life, I remembered how I had seen similar saplings in another dream, but instead it was part of a forest that comprised my hair. A friend of mine had given me a reading on the dream, and low and behold, there were indications that I may have went, or am going, too far in my house cleaning.

Like I said, I’m human. I’m pretty sure you’re human too. I’m also pretty sure you’ve felt the way I have felt, or perhaps you will feel this way in the future. My Christmas gift to you is access to this servitor for whenever you feel like destroying everything; it will help one to recognize those things which are worth preserving. Click here for more information about the servitor named Bigawi.



Curses: Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your Cow!

I get it. That dude just won’t get a grip. Your boss is being an asshole. Your roommate won’t listen. Your so called “friend” is just using you. Basically, you’ve got your share of social blind spots, and you want to do something about it. The thought creeps into your head “Well, I’m a magical practitioner. Why not just handle it magically?”

Slow your roll.

You’re probably justifiably angry and annoyed, but before your go casting goat–a malefic intended spell–please take a moment and ask yourself these questions.

  1. Are there mundane ways by which you can resolve your problem?

    Have you done everything that you can to resolve the situation without magic? Yes, we are magical practitioners, but we also need to have the courage to face our fears, which in and of itself is linked to our efficacy in magic. Have you tried talking to your boss about his or her behavior? Have you filed a complaint? That douche who was using you for your benefits and services, have you considered just removing yourself from his or her realm of influence?

    The things which haven’t been done can be indicators of a deeper personal problem involving will and character on your part. This is not always the case, but it is good practice to figure out the reasoning behind your reasoning, so that you are empowering yourself to tackle the obstacle like a warrior–head on and face-to-face.

    Of course there are times when you’ve exhausted all measures and have no other choice, but at least you are saving yourself some much needed time otherwise.Which brings me to my next question…

  2. How much time have you spent on the issue or problem?

    There are two ways to look at this. On one hand, is the person WORTH the time and effort involved with cursing? On the other hand, and following up on the preceding sentiment, are you willing to put in MORE time in addition to your mundane efforts to curse this person? Really, think about it. How much time have you sat in worry or upset at your boss? How much time have you invested in that guy who decided to break his promise? Is that person worth the extra 3 minutes to an hour just to get vengeance. (Okay, I’ll admit, if I could knock it down to 3 minutes I probably would be tempted to skip this step and look at questions 1 and 3…)

    Sometimes it’s just not worth it. It hurts because you’re probably screaming inside out of the desire for vengeance. Sometimes the energy build up results in a spell–randomly casting goats everywhere, but other times it is better to take the time to channel that energy elsewhere, like artwork. Hell, in that case, apply to Nemesis, Iusticia, or Themis and at least get a spiritual relationship out of it. The time you invest in anything should move you forward in life, not leave you in a pit of a stale world of regret.

    …or maybe you’ve determined that it is worth your time. Now you’re just contemplating the severity of your spell. You’ve even went to buy the asafoetida and voodoo dolls. You’ve gathered all of the psychic links, and you’re ready to get the party started!

    …But I have one last question.

  3. If your intended curse lands and sticks, could you look the person in the eye afterwards without remorse? If that person got hit by a bus going 15 mph and lived to tell about it, how would you feel if you were to see them in crutches or in a wheel chair?

    Personally, I don’t think I could without feeling bad. I’d feel pity, and I’d do whatever I could to help them afterwards. In the end, it’s not just about letting the curse land, no, that’s not it at all. It’s the suffering that follows: weeks of recovery in the hospital, the feelings of isolation and inadequacy. The fact of the matter is, just like I am recommending you look internally before firing your gun of vengeance, I am also recommending that you consider that the other person in question also needs to do the same.

Consider the ethical or moral dilemma.

Just think about the hang ups that you are having to unhinge as a magical practitioner. We have something that others around us don’t: the ability to turn inward and make decisions devoid of societal and materialistic pressures. Is it fair to assume the role of judge when we don’t know what they actually need spiritually?

I’m not going to say that no shots should be fired, but I also believe that sometimes a little nuance is necessary. Just as we can bless those who cast our gifts before swine, we could also curse those who have a heart of gold–or at least the potential for it.

The Book of Love is long and boring, no one can lift the damn thing . . .

Something interesting I found as I was preparing for tonight’s critical class. It’s something that I’m going to think about and unpack for the next couple of days, if not weeks.

. . . . . . . Supervalent Thought

Delaminated from week 1 lecture notes, Love Theory (Winter 2012)…

I am a love theorist. I sometimes feel dissociated from all my loves. I sometimes ask them to hold more of an image of me than I can hold. By “sometimes” I mean all the times. The image is the regressed form, not the narrative noise that comes later to try to apply adhesive to the fantasy and its representation in objects, so that I know I am an event that lives in the world. The love and the images available for it are in a Thunderdome death-love match, yet we act as though affect could be held within a steady-state space like meat on a hook, or the image of meat on a hook, since actual meat turns green. Most storage lockers are cold enough to slow down that decay, as we know from narrative and domesticity. Aggressions and…

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The Cross, the Bath, and the Bridge

I genuinely loved him.

I think…I thought.

Genuinity and love are both feelings that were present, but something about that statement seems wrong now. He was like a breath of fresh air, literally. I never got a chance to tell him that I loved the flavor of his mint-cold kisses. I never got a chance to tell him that I hated when he switched to Juicy fruit gum. Actually, the moment that he switched to Juicy fruit, I knew that things could only go downhill.

Somewhere, I hoped that someone as intelligent as he would see the error in such a poor gum choice. Maybe it was a fluke?

It wasn’t an accident. It never is. It wasn’t an accident that with the airy winds this merman brought a series of unfortunate circumstances: my having to uncross myself because he decided to fuck with another magical practitioner, and the undelineable cluster of sorrow from the effects of the crossing which was strangely contagious like a cold or an STD, the heartbreak I felt after foolishly choosing to fall in love, and the depression that I experienced from birth control that just didn’t jive with my body. Funny how a man who was so fixated on cleanliness was so…spiritually not. Even stranger that the merman didn’t realize this through his own Piscean instincts.

I felt dirty. Not just from him, but I felt something was amiss. “Go take a bath.” They said. I tend to hear them clearest whenever I’m in emotional distress or during the slivered cracks in my consciousness during a rite. “You’re beautiful, go take a bath,” they said again. I guess you can count the ceremonial moment when things are over and out of your control, and the choice to allow oneself to be vulnerable and feel deep sorrow as a rite in and of itself.

While in the tub, I closed my eyes and sang the Gayatri mantra. I found myself in a familiar field: I recognized it from my guided meditations and my entry into the Strategic Sorcery group. The sun was out, but the clouds above me were excruciatingly dark. I sang louder, with more force to push them as far back into the horizon as I could, but as soon as I sang them away, they rolled back. I called for reinforcements, and the day turned to night, and the sky became clear once again: the moon and the stars illuminated the sky. He left, and I opened my eyes to find myself in the scented tub again. I stepped out, anointed myself with protection oil, and sat a tealight candle on top of a mirror I had.

I hope that they experience ten times the stress I had to go through to get rid of this mess. Granted, I had to unhinge one last thing, but that was relatively easy to reverse. My tolerance for assholes, loud noises, and sexist pigs on the other hand, that has permanently decreased.


One morning I decided to go back to the field, and I found my little space. I found my baby pink rose colored bed space on the floor with billowy pillows inviting me to sit and lay, to which I obliged. My room had changed, but I remembered a few little things. I found the door that led to other worlds, but I think this was the first time I put it to use. “Who am I connected to?” I asked. To my left, I saw a dark blue bridge intertwined with dual rays. It led to a place with darkened clouds. “Who is this?” I asked, and the answer downloaded to my mind. It’s the bridge to my best friends, Twin-Crab and Daffodil. As I was contemplating taking the bridge to visit them, I found myself in the living room of their apartment, which was empty…for the most part. I struggled to get back to the platform outside of my space, and I looked at the other bridges.

One bridge was crumbling and short, while another was fully formed. There were others, like the cold, barren, but sturdy one to my ex, but I didn’t pay too much attention to them. I looked at the short and stubby one and asked “Who’s bridge is this?” And the person’s image came to mind. “No way…Seriously, who’s bridge is this?” I asked. A pathetic cartoon drawing came to mind that was about as pitiful in style as this One-Punch man drawing:


I shook my head. I don’t even know what pseudonym to give the dude. Let’s see. His word is about as valuable as dirt and don’t expect him to follow through with anything he says unless he “promises.” He’s moody as hell. He screwed up his reputation by being so damn crabby towards other people. I spent a lot of time trying to mitigate damages, and I attempted to understand where he was coming from. Establish some point of reference and maybe create some sort of change.

…and that’s why the bridge is basically a stub. In matter of fact, that’s what I’ll call him: Stub-Butt.
Stub for short.

Out of a whim, I guess a challenge, I decided to rebuild the bridge.

Oh and did I rebuild it.

I forced a big ass bridge adorned with flags and fabric was underneath it which caught the wind, making the bridge look like it was floating. As soon as it was solid and reached the other end, it fell apart.

“Son of a bitch, you never make things easy do you?” I called on the servitor I had created, Hopladu, to build a bridge. A little bit about Hopladu: he’s a black and white striped servitor, a bit of a mime and clown created to pull Stub out of his funk. He’s a hopeful, fun, but mischievous little creature.

“Hey, make a bridge to him here.” I commanded.

And quickly he got to work. He stretched his body from my end to his, but he had a little too much fun. He started making crazy shapes, warping the bridge, making his form skinny, acting like silly string in the wind.

…hmm…on second thought, I created him through the Linking Sigil network, so it’s probably not a good idea to build a bridge on something that volatile. Before I uttered a thought he vanished in a glitter filled rainbow smoke and left me with the stub bridge.

I reformed the pillars and the bridge I envisioned, but it would not stick. The only thing that I could think of that could was the one thing that kept his ass in check: education. The third time around I lined books at his end of the bridge, and it was epically more stable.

“Really? The only thing keeping this bridge open is my educational resources? That’s it?!”

I tested the theory, and so long as a book was on his side of the bridge entry way, no matter how narrow, a bridge formed.

Okay then. I see how this rolls. I feel like being experimental anyway. I’m going to solidify this damn bridge’s existence by storytelling.

I opened my eyes, and set aside Linking Sigil book I was reading, opened my laptop, and started writing this story.

Prayer to Haniel

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A few months ago, last year actually, I broke things off with my ex-boyfriend. Even though I was the one who called it off, I was shell shocked from it: we were in a relationship with each other for half a decade. Our anniversary was only two months prior, but I felt as though something was wrong. My feelings were reaffirmed through a dream and further reaffirmed by sequences of events which occurred afterwards. Despite this affirmation that my decision was the right one, I still felt as though I had been in a terrible accident and I lost a friend. I mean, to an extent, I was, and I did. I had prayed a novena to Raphael and sought one for Haniel. I couldn’t find one that I liked, so I evoked Haniel who gave me the seeds of a prayer which I later cultivated into a poem.

For those who may not know, Haniel is the archangel of the sphere of Venus, Netzach, in planetary magic. Her name translates to “The Joy of God,” and with her associations with the planet Venus and its archetypes, she is also the angel of beauty, love, and affection. If we look to Taurus, one of the affiliated zodiac signs, we also learn that she has a connection with the earth and its production. This is echoed in the Empress of the Tarot card, a planetary Trump associated with Venus, who is often depicted amidst foliage, nature, or water, depending on what deck you are using. If you want to understand a little bit about the sphere of Netzach, I would advise contemplating on the Empress, the Heirophant, and Justice/Adjustment tarot cards.

You may want to go to Haniel in matters pertaining to women, love, sex, and, as you will see, confidence. I’ve used variations of this prayer for a wide range of matters. As a daily prayer, I have found that it taps me into her energies where I can place my requests for the day, sometimes triggering emotional revelations. I have used it to give me confidence when I was in the presence of someone that I liked, and I’ve even used it for communication topics.

Prayer for Confidence

Trumpets burst and herald the winds of Spring,

Oak leaves dance in the drought of Summer,

and turn cold and crisp from Autumn’s Demeanor.

Flown by are days longed for in Winter

Til the voice of equinox again sings.


May my needs be apparent

and wash upon the shores of my wakened mind.

May this call be seen, felt and heard.

May all of my being and senses dance

to the knowledge of my needs and of my desires,

Divorced from my delusions,

Severed from my obsessions,

The Earth is my Joy in God.

Yet be of comfort with the seas dissolve me

While I struggle with my human instincts

and I hear the spirits wail from the waves.

Let the clouds dissipate and the stars shine brightly,

Let there be no shame of that innate, truly mine.

My mind, my crown, with virtue and health,

My flesh, my form, unique, and perfect.

To no one shall I submit abashed.

Carefree is my Joy in God.

Haniel, God’s messenger,

You are quick to prove that all,

Men and women,

open and heartbroken,

the enlightened in heaven,

and the tormented in hell,

and all of those in between

Have refuge in the God of Love.

[Insert your own personal request to Haniel here]

As the cycles of nature continue,

May through Spring’s vernal March,

Through Summer’s kingly dignity,

Autumn’s play and forethought,

and Winter’s reflective stillness,

Haniel, resonate with me octave by octave

and may the joy and pleasure of God show me eternal love.

Yes? No? Maybe so?

Is he worried about…?


When situating yourself at the beginning of a reading, be aware of the type of question you are asking. Are you asking a yes/no question? What method do you have for discerning an affirmative or negative answer?

As I was walking to my classes, I came upon the realization that someone that I was fond of may have a concern about our age difference. It was one of those light bulb moments that I immediate confirmed with dice divination, but I had every intention about addressing this matter further with a card reading when I reached my destination.

Ideally, when asking such questions, you should be able to answer the question, overall, with but a simple glance. Further investigation as to why the answer is yes or no will be revealed as you dig deeper into the spread.

Number-wise, my cards of affirmation and negation are the 4’s and 8’s, and the suit will further determine to what degree something is yes or no. Generally speaking, the red cards, the hearts and diamonds, are affirmative in nature. The black cards, the spades and clubs, are negative in nature. The 4 and 8 of diamonds are cards of certainty and affirmation in my methods. In the tarot, this would be the 4 and 8 of pentacles.

My cards of negation are the 4 and 8 of spades, or the 4 and 8 of swords in the tarot.

9 of spades and the 9 of swords are also “no” in readings, specifically “Wish denied.” The 9 of hearts can mean the opposite, “Wish granted.” However, it’s important to be careful with these two 9’s in particular, as they can indicate that a person’s frame of mind may be influencing his or her perception of a situation.

Now there are some cards that indicate something in between. For example, the 4 of clubs doesn’t necessarily mean “no” in a spread. In matter of fact, I have found it to indicate that it may take a while before you receive your answer. There are processes and assessments still in play before an answer can be given. Consider it a “pending” card.

Similarly, the 4 of hearts, depending on the question, does not always indicate affirmation. In matter of fact, its tone can often signify overly emotional attachment to the question or subject at hand. Its a soft yes, and things can change easily.

In addition to the 4’s there are also other cards which can give you a “maybe” or “uncertain” tone to cards of affirmation and negation.

For example, the 3 of diamonds typically means “someone who runs hot and cold” (Kapherus), or “unsustained efforts” (Russell). So in questions which are yes or no, it can indicate someone who is uncertain, fickle or nervous.

The 7 of clubs can represent someone who is weighing their options (Russell). Things are pending until they make a decision.

The Ace of spades can also go either or way, similar in nature to the 7 of clubs, but there may be much more at stake.

So in the above example, we have he 4 of diamonds in the answer column, and the 3 of diamonds in the pivot portion of the supplemental information section. This can indicate “Yes, it point of concern, and he is nervous (scatter-brained) or insecure (the 3 of diamonds is surrounded by hearts) about it.”