The Wheel of…Aw Hell NO!

“Wheel of Morality, turn, turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn!”

Imagine a day where something amazing happened that makes you smile unabashedly. Maybe you are reunited with a beloved friend you haven’t seen in years. Perhaps you receive a message from someone you love. Maybe your dog gave birth to a new litter of puppies.

…And then your friend leaves to her side of the country for another 5 years. That person you loved ended up cheating on you. The dog who gave birth passes away a few months later, and one of her puppies becomes sick.

I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this or who looks around suspiciously whenever something wonderful happens, but sometimes I really can’t help but expect the worst. Does this make me a pessimist? Does this mean I dislike momentary pleasures? No, not at all! It just means that I recognize the pattern because the roller coaster of joy and sorrow really does seem to be the story of my life, which, by the way, is like a Korean Drama. There will be insane laughter and glee, and in about, hm, a week, I usually have feelings of rejection, loneliness, isolation, and dread. I’m a realist who knows for a fact that the crash is a bitch.

And I’m not talking any regular type of crash, I’m talking about the Wheel of Fortune type of crash:

Fortune X
The bigger the Wheel, the more dramatic the crash. God forbid you’re on its apex…

I would like to think that good times could last forever, but that clinginess and attachment is what gets me hurt every time. I apply what I consider reasonable expectations for situations, and get disappointed. I grasp for the high and yet at the same time, what goes up must come down. It’s funny because this is literally Buddhism 101: Don’t get attached bitch! It’s a trap! Don’t even bother getting on the wheel…

I’m not sure if people really understand this about me. Some of my frenemies have the nerve to ask “Why don’t you do x,y, and z with us? Why don’t you have ‘fun’?”

Frenemy (n): 1. a friend who is actually your enemy. 2. someone who claims allegiance and friendship but lacks the emotional and mental maturity and depth to develop it. 3. a person who’s friendship is so shallow that when something hurts you they are not only clueless, but they agitate your pain inadvertently.

Because I know that if I don’t remain somewhat detached, that crash is going to hurt like hell. So in the end, I choose to remove myself and keep a relatively level head: avoid getting too attached to anything, and mitigate my damages wherever possible. See? Its a pretty realistic perspective.

This is probably not the happy-go-luck post you were hoping for, but those will come when appropriate circumstances happen. 🙂


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